sometimes long sequences of delight and joy are followed by shadows of disappointment.
not from the same source of your joy but from other sources of your love or loved ones.
it is the nature of those who care for each other or feel obliged to care for each not by choice but by circumstance. it is the nature of mutual resentment, perhaps. what happens when for whatever reasons we can't clearly communicate to each other; years of misunderstanding; years of deception; years of whatever.
after a long time, it almost feels like the reasons don't matter anymore.
all that matters is you have this feeling inside of you that feels like swallowed broken glass and it causes this warm mellow almost blissful pain; and you don't really know what to do about it anymore except to experience it.